Wouldn’t it be nice if kids came with a manual explaining how to manage their difficult moments and what to do proactively to create more calm in your home? With so much
There are many
Our list is 5 books long, and we recommend that you take the time to read each one of them. The ideas in one book will be expanded and supported by those in another. In this way, we find that these books work together to build on key concepts. This will help you to understand and implement the advice.
We understand that telling you to read 5 books is a big ask. So here is our tip for you: listen to the audiobooks when possible. You can listen to the books while cleaning, driving, or out walking the dog. We were able to find them all through our local library system. You can use an app called Libby to check out audiobooks and ebooks right on your phone. It’s simple and free!
Note: there may be things in each of these
Best Parenting Books for Toddlers
1. Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
This book will change your
In a world of
The focus of Positive Discipline is on finding solutions with your kids instead of handing out punishments or consequences. This focus will help you to think about what long-term skills are being built instead of simply stopping behavior in the moment. In addition, you will learn about the part that you play in kids’ misbehavior and how to better manage yourself.
At the end of each chapter, you’ll find a list of the
What we Love:
- It is practical and actionable
- Gives alternatives to punishments and consequences.
- Focuses on the belief behind the behavior
Quote:
“Many people feel strongly that strictness and punishment work. I agree. I would never say that punishment does not work. Punishment does work in that it usually stops misbehavior immediately. But what are the long-term results? We are often fooled by immediate results. Sometimes we must beware of what works when the long-term results are negative. The long-term results of punishment are that children usually adopt one or all of the Four R’s of Punishment: The Four R’s of Punishment Resentment—“This is unfair. I can’t trust adults.” Revenge—“They are winning now, but I’ll get even.” Rebellion—“I’ll do just the opposite to prove I don’t have to do it their way.” Retreat: Sneakiness—“I won’t get caught next time.” Reduced self-esteem—“I am a bad person.”
2. Positive Discipline the First Three Years
This is another book in the Positive Discipline series by Dr. Jane Nelson. It takes the basic positive discipline principles and further relates them to early childhood by helping you to find non-punitive ways to handle your toddlers. You’ll gain an understanding of how to address behaviors that are developmentally appropriate but not the most fun for you as the parent (anyone else have a kid who loves to pull over the trashcan?).
We love that the book focuses on ways to connect with your kids while still setting boundaries. Also, it mentions the importance of modeling appropriate behavior. Want respectful kids? Be respectful when talking to your kid’s teacher, the waiter, and kids themselves! (Being kind and respectful doesn’t mean that your let kids run around like crazy wild people, by the way, don’t worry.)
Note: Dr. Jane Nelson is not a sleep or breastfeeding expert. Feel free to read additional books on these topics if your thoughts differ from hers and trust your instincts. You know your child and every family will look a bit different!
What we Love:
- Shows parents how to be kind AND firm
- Teaches strategies for redirection
- Shows ways that you can change the environment to eliminate problems
Quote to Give You a Taste of the Book:
“If you want to leave the park and your child isn’t ready to go, give her a hug and say, “You’re really upset right now. I know you want to stay, but it’s time to leave.” Then hold your child and let her experience her feelings before you move on to the next activity. If you were instead to pamper your child by letting her stay at the park longer, she doesn’t have the opportunity to learn from experience that she can survive disappointment.”
3. Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne
In a world where it is easy to get caught up in doing more and buying lots, this book will help you slow down and make appropriate choices for your kids.
Author Dr. Kim John Payne shares his experience as a counselor and family consultant to help explain why it is so important to honor childhood and how the excess in our lives impacts kids. This excess applies to more than just how much we own. Payne writes about the importance of simplifying our homes, schedules, and media consumption.
Simplicity
Note: While we love most ideas presented in this book, it falls a bit short when explaining how to support our kids and their big emotions. This is why the next book on our list, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, is a must-read!
What we Love:
- Shares actionable steps for simplifying
- Proactive
parenting book – deals with more than just discipline issues
Quote:
“With simplification, we can bring an infusion of inspiration to our daily lives; set a tone that honors our families’ needs before the world’s demands. Allow our hopes for our children to outweigh our fears. Realign our lives with our dreams for our family and our hopes for what childhood could and should be.”
4. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
This book is a must-read when handling toddlers and their big emotions!
Dr. John Gottman presents his research on parent-child interactions and explains the importance of learning to manage and regulate emotions. You’ll address your thoughts and feelings about negative emotions and identify how you respond to your kids’ emotions.
The book gives you 5 steps for supporting kids when they’re feeling big things, what Gottman calls “emotion coaching.” You’ll learn that your role as the emotion coach is to give kids the training and tools to manage their emotions and that those skills are essential for later success in life
We find that his ideas pair well with those of Positive Discipline in helping you become a kind and firm parent.
Note: While this book is a must-read, it has some pretty harsh things to say about divorce and doesn’t balance that with anything hopeful or practical for folks already in a challenging situation. It also takes lots of time to explain the role of dads and does little to address families that might look different.
What we Love:
- Based on research
- Steps are easy to follow
- Reframes how we look at kids’ negative emotions
Quotes:
“I call the parents who get involved with their children’s feelings “Emotion Coaches.” Much like athletic coaches, they teach their children strategies to deal with life’s ups and downs. They don’t object to their children’s displays of anger, sadness, or fear. Nor do they ignore them. Instead, they accept negative emotions as a fact of life.
“Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and ability to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.”
5. The Montessori Toddler
This book is for every family, not just those attempting to create a “Montessori” home. It is more of a
In the Montessori Toddler, you will find many of the discipline strategies from Positive Disciple and many of the ideas about simplicity found in Simplicity
The book focuses on helping you raise independent and capable kids by allowing freedom within limits. You are shown that even toddlers are capable and should be included in daily life activities. The book shares discipline methods as well as Montessori activities that you can set up for your toddler, how to set up your home, and many other proactive
The back of the book contains easy charts to reference and gives you concrete examples of things to change or implement.
What we Love:
- Easy to use charts at the back of the book
- Addresses more than just discipline
- Shares how to set up your home to promote independence
Quote:
“Children want to be able to do more, to contribute, to be part of the family/classroom/society. We see the satisfaction on their face when they pull on their own shoe, put something back where it belongs, or help a friend…Through independence the child learns how to be responsible for caring for themselves, others, the environment.”
Things to Ask When Evaluating Parenting Books for Toddlers
The more you learn and read, the more you will be able to evaluate advice for yourself. Please don’t take our word for it, or anyone else’s for that matter. Lots of
Instead, ask these questions when you’re evaluating
• What does this teach my kids in the long term?
Are kids learning to be responsible problem solvers or sneaky and resentful? Many
• Does this tool help my kids to develop into _________ (kind, wise, responsible, resilient) people?
This is another way of asking about the long-term effects of our
• Is this tool helping me to connect with my kids?
At the end of the day, you want a strong relationship with your kids. Are you listening and problem-solving with your kids or being dismissive and lecturing? Screaming, yelling, shaming may work to stop the behavior but create disconnection between you and your child. This disconnection will become very apparent when kids hit their teen years.
• Who is the author, and why should I listen to them?
Learning about the author’s background, experience, and authority can help evaluate their claims and consider any biases.
• What research supports this claim?
When in doubt, check out what the research says! There’s a lot of it, and much of it goes against popular
Final Thoughts on Parenting Books for Toddlers
We hope that you’ll take the time to read (or listen) to each of these
Remember: no one is perfect, and mistakes are wonderful learning opportunities. Do your best and let go of the rest.
Try picking just one new idea to try each week. This will be less overwhelming than overhauling everything simultaneously and lead to much greater success. A peaceful, happy home is possible, and you’re on your way to creating one!
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